orchid_in_blume on Xanga

Bloggatory

Sunday, 26 April 2009

why do i keep postponing happiness?

im supposed to go to the gym on campus today
to measure my progress
but no need
i am 100% sure i havent lost an ounce
nothing to make you feel like a waddling walrus like 90 degree heat
and your thighs getting friendly no matter what you wear
i didnt do well at all last week
i dont think there was one day where i actually ate under 900 calories
i still want to do calorie cycling because I think it is smart and healthy
but i need not to bullshit
which should be easy as I have barely any food and $0 until the 1st
Im so tempted to just say fuck it
and fast
but i know everything will come back

Goal for Monday April 27th - Sunday May 3
700 calories a day
run 4 days during the week
200 crunches + 50 squats per day

My gw1 was to weight 146 by April 30 :{
I'll give myself until Sunday the 3thrd
At least i've gotten back into running
I will not fail this time
Today's thinspo:

she was where i am (actual im worse off) and now she's where i want to be

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

6 more days

Intake as far as food this weekend was'nt terrible, but then again if I add the liqour it was.
I went for a run on Sunday for the first time since January
and before January I hadn't run for another couple months.
The Sunday run was somewhere between 2-3miles,,
I dont like to keep track of mileage too much because it might discourage me if im just getting back into running.
Unfortunately I had also gone out both saturday and sunday
wearing heels
and we walked a mile to the club and back
because we were too broke to afford a cab!
needless to say after the run on sunday i discovered
joyous little blisters on two toes
grosssss
so i woke up this morning thinking they have recovered
put on my running shoes
and tried to pretend running in the apt
and it hurt
so here I am
I hope its healed by tomorrow
because if i go 3 days without running as a beginner
it will be like sunday didnt happen
on another note
I am super excited
because Im going to see Pitbull perform at a club in DC on thursday ngiht
which is another incentive to run today :(
but i'll just be really good with my cals today and tom and thurs will be my free day
then back to normal on fri

I screwed up yesterday and had like 1800 calories
gross
i wish i could have purged but my gag reflex is strong when it wants to be

In:
2 slices whole wheat bread
1 cup green tea
= 140cals

6 days until I have to weigh myself and see if I've lost anything in 2 weeks
Tuesday Thinspo:

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Sweet are the thoughts that savour of content

Sweet are the thoughts that savour of content;

    The quiet mind is richer than a crown;

Sweet are the nights in careless slumber spent;

    The poor estate scorns fortune's angry frown:

Such sweet content, such minds, such sleep, such bliss,

Beggars enjoy, when princes oft do miss.

The homely house that harbours quiet rest;

    The cottage that affords no pride nor care;

The mean that 'grees with country music best;

    The sweet consort of mirth and music's fare;

Obscured life sets down a type of bliss:

A mind content both crown and kingdom is

♦Robert Greene (1560 – 1592)♦

In:

2 eggs + 1 cup baked beans + 2 slices turkey bacon

= 524 cals so far

I was super-tempted last night to have some spaghetti carbonara leftovers

I had grapes and a banana instead

I realize this increases my cals for yesterday by another 100 cals or so

but better fruit than pasta

so late at night

I am really trying to stick to <900 today

I haven't been able to the past 2 days and it seems like this wk is

going

awfully

slow

tomorrow is supposed to be my 'feed' day

but seeing as I haven't been meeting my requirements

i shouldn't take it

i hope this week goes by fast

EDIT:
3 cups of broccoli
grapes
1 slice of bread
wine :$
490cals

total = 1014

again with the wine :{

oh well it prevented me from eating pasta
tomorrow is supposed to be my 'reg' eat day
I'm not even tempted to pig out and go crazy
but i bet the amount of cals i eat will be insane
simply because i know i'll want
pasta and a pb sandwich
ergggh
i cant wait till its nice out so i can
go running
I will lose weight
just you wait

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

smiley and irritated at once

Music: Hector Lavoe
Wearing: Black pants + pink tank/black tee layer
Mood: Irritated but happy

My friend and I had plans to go to a salsa class tonight
and after the class they place music to dance to pretty much til
2am, or whenever everyone leaves
anyhoo
so we finish the class and they start playing music
and she wants to leave and 'take a break' saying she's hungry
even though the class was 1 hr long and beforehand i fed her my
spaghetti carbonara and cupcakes
which i was saving for my regular eat day
so we go to Krog to get food
and she suddenly is like
"oh, i was supposed to do sth with whoever"
and im like wtf
we made these plans sunday night
you dont make plans with 2 ppl at once
esp if you're the kind of person who cant hang out ith more than one person
at once
because you can only pay attention to one person
and make the other feel like a troisemme wheel
so i was like "just drop me off"
she always re-nigs on plans e have halfay
usually if they dont have to do with going out/dancing
but today was just irritating
i would have been just fine staying home and having a dance party on my own :)
im just happy i at least was there for the lesson
i love dancing
I CANT WAIT TO
take salsa classes this summer when i get a j-o-b

In:
2 eggs+ 1 cup baked beans
1.5 cups of {chilli + bean stew}
2 glasses of white wine (418} HOLY CRAP
= 1203
Out:
2 hours of salsa
ab exercises

I'm pissed
I haven't been <900 for either of the past 2 days
if i hadn't had the wine...
at least i only had 2 meals
small fucking strides
tomorrow is my last day of attempting to stay <900
then Thursday I get to eat up to 1400
i should just drink wine
it fills me up and makes me wanna dance
:)

Monday, 13 April 2009

Music: Josh Groban
Wearing: Blue sweats + green tshirt
Mood: Focused

I feel pretty focused today
I'm glad I'm back on xanga because I just know it will help me stay on track
Im also going to record daily cals on http://www.fitday.com/
The cal limit is 900 cals
In:
2 packets of Instant oatmeal + boiling water
1 piece of cake {regrettably}
= 545 cals so far

♦EDIT♦
2 slices of whole wheat bread- 140
1.5 cups of bean stew- 350ish
3 turkey sausage links + tblsp salsa

Fitday puts the total at 1045 cals
which is not good because my goal was < 900
better discipline tomorrow

Out:
crunches

Sunday, 12 April 2009

Currently
Buckcherry
By Buckcherry
Crazy Bitch
see related
going to be thin-starting 2 weeks at a time

went drinking + dancing last night
came home and wrecked some cupcakes
and i had to have carbs this morning to make my hangover bearable
but i've decided my plan which I will try for the next 2 weeks
its hard to even want to wait 2 wks because i get so discouraged if i dont get
instant gratification
but if I keep giving up I will never see results

I've been doing a lot of research and I found out about calorie cycling
if you lower your cals by a lot, your body goes into starvation mode after 3 days
so for safe fat-loss *not just weight loss, but fat loss*
you can lower your cals to the level which will cause you to lose weight
but just as your body is about to go into starvation mode on day 4
you eat about 500 cals more to kick u your metabolism
this is scientifically proven and starvation mode is based on
the body's amazing ability to adapt to a situations you put it in
so trick your body into accepting fewer cals
yet keeping your metabolism high
so for the next 2 wks;

Day 1-3: under 900 cals a day
Day 4: btw 900 - 1400cals
then go back to Day 1
+ exercise 4 times a week { either run/ taebo video}
[ i know the cals are high by the standards of others but I dont wwant to disappoint myself when i dont stick to the plan, so I will lower as I go}

I should be able to lose weight as long as I am eating on day 1-3,less than I am eating now. Also on day 4 you want a jump in about 500 cals to totally throw your body off

I won't step on a scale, I want to see if my clothes simply fit better, and then I will weigh myself
I know I'm 150 right now give or take a 1 lb.

if anyone would like to do this with me, that would be great!

starting Monday April 13th
and to be reviewed Sunday April 26th

Inspiration for today

Saturday, 11 April 2009

here goes another fresh start
I've deleted all my old entries
Im at the point of no return
I feel helpless and un-energetic
and as if some fat person is renting my personality..
you see that explains why i feel like im not in my own body
i am at the very bottom of the pit of frustration and so there is nowhere to go but up..
unless another pit opens up beneath me
which has been known to happen.

What is different this time
I was never happy, not even semi-happy with my body,
I always tried to eat healthy
I always tried to exercise
I always vowed to lose the weight
always always made promises I didn't keep.
what kind of person am I?
one who cant even keep a promise to themself?
I know now that it is impossible for me to ever be happy, in this strange, repulsive contraption of a body I am in now. And i refuse to live an unhappy life. So i will lose this weight and at the very least get down to and remain at 125 pounds or I will declare myself a failure at life.

I want to be happy and the first step to complete happiness for me is THIN.

CW: 150 pounds
GW: 125 pounds by July 15

I'm 5'9 and my weight ^ doesnt need repeating. I would really like to find a diet buddy about my size or looking to lose about the same amount of weight to motivate each other etc

I want to look like her:

i have a shit-ton of work to do!

that girl

Noemí, 22, senior in College,hopeless romantic,realist,optimist, reader,wannabe runner, neat freak,reincarnation and lots more,. why am I here? Because I need a place where I play out this struggle{that i plan to win}to be happy and I need inspiration and thinspo while I am at it.If I can be there for anyone I am here. I will not judge you and I will not be fake.